My scarlet letters

A-C-L. I went to the company's health center for a massive headache today and I had to fill out a bunch of forms before I would be treated. Most of the time, I breeze through those forms because everything is "No" or "N/A" but I now had to fill in the question asking about past surgeries. And when the nurse was looking over the forms and asking for specifics about certain things, I don't know how my ACL reconstruction is related to having a headache, but she had a bunch of questions about that. The same thing happened when I went to see a new gyn last week. No relevance to the check-up at all, but there were questions about the ACL. The injury has just become my identity.

A co-worker broke her foot and had crutches. When I was talking to her in the elevator, people asked if the crutches were mine or hers. When I had to wear my big bad brace, people on the street instantly knew it was for the ACL (though it's used for other knee injuries) and they stopped to ask about it and/or tell me their, or their friend's, experience with it. And now, when I fill out those new patient forms, I have to be asked about it. Maybe this will teach me to not doctor-hop and just stick with one.

But at least all my outward signs of being a cripple are gone (no more struggling to carry things with a crutch under each arm, no more spending at least an extra 20+ minutes each day to fiddle with the brace to get it off and on). Or is that such a good thing? I don't know why, but as I slowly make my way down subway stairs, people that speed past me always stop just long enough to turn around and give me a look. I don't know if it's a look of pity or just frustration to find out what exactly is making me walk so slow since you can't tell really why I need to grip the grimy banister and slowly edge my way down the stairs. So I was stunned that someone once actually stopped to ask me if I needed help walking down to the subway (I gratefully declined -- what can he do, build me an escalator?). And a few days ago someone rushed down first and held the doors for me. There is some humanity left in NY!